Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I want to fling myself into the sun
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
