She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
