i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
