My room smells like vodka and shame
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
