Don't make out with my wife yet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
