just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
