just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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