you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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