Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
