Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
