so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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