Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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