where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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