Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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