Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?