listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
