Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
