Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
