I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
