I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
