I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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