Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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