So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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