Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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