I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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