he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
