you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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