I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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