Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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