You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
