How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
