My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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