Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
