I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
