I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
