my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
