Cold hands, warm shart.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
