What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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