We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
