dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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