Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize