Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
