it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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