I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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