Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
