ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
