I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
