Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
