What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
