We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
