I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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