We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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