did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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