Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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