we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
