i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ladies don't puke and tell
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
