i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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