I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
