When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
