I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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