It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
