I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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