i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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