is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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