One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
