i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
